When I have a camera in my hand, I know no fear

Alfred Eisenstaedt

If I stopped to think about all the “What if’s” and the “What will happen’s” when it comes to the future I think I would go bonkers – Even allowing myself to think further than a few days ahead I feel the overwhelm, anxiety and, to be perfectly blunt, pure terror rush over me. It hits me at 3.00am EVERY Morning. Always. Sometimes I can tell myself to roll over and try to think of good things – other times I lie awake for hours upon hours and, finally, when I do fall back to sleep it is but a couple of hours of wretched, stomach churning, not quite asleep dreams that leave me feeling lost for the whole of the next day.

It wasn’t always like that, in the beginning I was upbeat, even excited, full of plans for how I would use my time

I was going to do this, and do that, learn this, learn that, I was going to plot, plan and prepare – I had a whole notebook, schedule and my “To Do Lists…” Chokka full of ideas and tasks that would mean when we returned to normal I would be so organised I’d never have to work a late night again!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been busy, I’ve rarely had a day that I have not filled with some form or other of “Work” but the feeling of excitement I had right at the very beginning was fast turning into “Shit, what the actual hell is going on!” That’s when the 3.00am anxiety and terror started to kick in and I’d soon find myself spiraling down the “I really don’t want to think about this” rabbit hole.

Something had to change and that change had to come from me. For once, the answer was not work – It was self-care, it was making time for Lee, it was putting my own state of mind, mental and physical, first.

The only thing that was going to keep me sane – was to make the time to do what I loved to do the most.

Twelve years ago I asked my now business partner to help me build a business that would, without being over dramatic, change my life. That business was based around my passion for photography, and now, once again I needed to call upon that passion to help me through a world wide pandemic – that no one knows how and when we can return to a new normal or how long it will be before we can resume a life of sports fixtures, concerts and gigs, festivals and parties, holidays and travel, and yes, photography events.

Ask someone who knows me and they will tell you, I live for my work – I think nothing of getting up at 5.30am to go to the office to work, always first into the building and often the last to leave. I could quite happily throw myself into Welshot projects, plotting and planning events months in advance – I never didn’t have an event to organise!

During this unprecedented (sorry, it’s that word again) time I was finding that my Welshot work, no matter how much I love to plot, plan and bring ideas to life – wasn’t bringing me the calm and mindfulness I was obviously, so desperately, in need of. Work was keeping me awake and adding to the stress and overwhelm just by the very nature of what my work actually is.

A new “Working Arrangement” with the Boss was organised, a routine/schedule and dedicated working environment was designed and created – And time for photography was built in. Not just the taking and making of the photography, but the preparation too.

As someone who loves travel photography, featuring lots of doors and windows – that wasn’t really an option for someone who is in a permanent lockdown/self-isolation/shielding, reliant on Asda deliveries, Red Cross food parcels, the kindness of friends and can’t go past the blue gate, situation!

It had to be my next love – Still-Life, Flat-Lay and whatever the Welshot garden was supplying at any given time. Finding a load of props in the Hubsters shed, that had not made their way to the Llandudno office, was, I admit, a day of celebration and made me unbelievably happy.

Fortunately for me, I had a couple of my Olympus UK Cameras – I can’t tell you what made me put my cameras into the car on that very last Wednesday in the office, We hadn’t intended it to be our last day in the office, but, it was, and I had, thankfully. So, I had my OMD EM5 Mk2 and my E-PL8 PEN to hand a couple of lenses and an overwhelming desire to create images.

I wish that all of nature’s magnificence, the emotion of the land, the living energy of place could be photographed

Annie Leibovitz

By making time for me, my camera, and my photography – I am now in a much better frame of mind, a healthier frame of mind, a more in control (of the things I can control) state of mind. Yes, there are the odd times (usually at night) when it hits me – the uncertainty and the scariness of it all but it is so much better now that I am learning how to focus on the things I can control and forget the things I can’t.

When I am working and start to feel the overwhelm, I stop what I am doing and I do something for me.

Those are the times I drop my work, turn off the radio, stop listening to the news and pick up my camera and create .

Without a doubt, photography has got me out of my funk – again. Photography and using my camera has helped me to remember the WHY I do what I do. Photography has got me thinking, creating and making.

I loved the plotting, planning and the ensuing scavenger hunt to find anything that remotely said “Great Britain” in a nod to the V.E Day celebrations. Just by taking a few hours out of my working day and routine, I was able to switch off and create a sense of calm equilibrium and tranquility that I was so obviously in need of.

Photography will help me get through this – Just like photography has always helped in the past, it will help take me into our new normal.

I’m even making time to post process, learning new techniques, seeing what works, what doesn’t. I am loving going through my folders and files in Dropbox full to the brim of photos that have never seen the light of day. I am using my phone camera less and less each day – now, by my side, constantly, is my camera – ready to capture what Lockdown/Self-Isolation inspiration comes my way.

My advice to you, especially if you are working from home, make some time for you – Do something that you love to do, create something, make something, read something, bake something, write something – Whatever you need to do, to turn off your mind from wandering down an anxiety footpath and to bring calm.

Do that!

Muchly love

lee xxx